Essential Skills
Affirmative Listening
Demonstrating compassion is a healthy, life-giving part of relationships. This collective affirms how important demonstrated compassion is to health of each of us and the community as a whole.
As we practice encouraging one another and communicating compassion, it is important for each of us to scan the language we are using and think about the recipient and how it might be received. In general, we want to support affirmation and deep listening. We want to move away from coercion and towards open-handed empathy.
Use your imagination and think about how you might respond to an opinion you might find yourself in a different position. Imagine how you might respond that might leave sharer likely to continue to share in a more honest fashion. Now imagine how you might react that might stop the conversation or even impact your future interactions.
Think about your responses on a scale ranging from most coercive to most freeing/affirmative:
Rather let’s practice listening first, and then thinking briefly before we respond. Does your response leave the recipient free to respond honestly and leave the opportunity open for future sharing? Or might the recipient feel pressured to think like you or act a particularly way in order to maintain a relationship with the you? Did you inadvertently shut down the conversation? If so, you can always reaffirm your desire to continue the conversation.
We all are learning. So in the spirit of learning, if you do not know what to say, one really helpful practice is to simply respond “Thank you for sharing”.
In this, you affirm the sharer. Practicing empathy and learning to listen affirmatively is incredibly healthy.
Lastly, if it is unclear what the sharer meant, you can always ask, “Would you tell me more about that?” or “What does that mean to you?” or "Can you give me an example of what you mean?"
Demonstrating compassion is a healthy, life-giving part of relationships. This collective affirms how important demonstrated compassion is to health of each of us and the community as a whole.
As we practice encouraging one another and communicating compassion, it is important for each of us to scan the language we are using and think about the recipient and how it might be received. In general, we want to support affirmation and deep listening. We want to move away from coercion and towards open-handed empathy.
Use your imagination and think about how you might respond to an opinion you might find yourself in a different position. Imagine how you might respond that might leave sharer likely to continue to share in a more honest fashion. Now imagine how you might react that might stop the conversation or even impact your future interactions.
Think about your responses on a scale ranging from most coercive to most freeing/affirmative:
- Emotional Manipulation
- Coercion
- Presumption of another’s experience or feelings
- Distanced Lecturing and Know-It-Allism
- Coldness
- Ambivalence
- General Encouragement
- Sympathy
- Empathy
- Deep listening/ Connection and Open-handed personal vulnerability for the sake of the other and yourself
Rather let’s practice listening first, and then thinking briefly before we respond. Does your response leave the recipient free to respond honestly and leave the opportunity open for future sharing? Or might the recipient feel pressured to think like you or act a particularly way in order to maintain a relationship with the you? Did you inadvertently shut down the conversation? If so, you can always reaffirm your desire to continue the conversation.
We all are learning. So in the spirit of learning, if you do not know what to say, one really helpful practice is to simply respond “Thank you for sharing”.
In this, you affirm the sharer. Practicing empathy and learning to listen affirmatively is incredibly healthy.
Lastly, if it is unclear what the sharer meant, you can always ask, “Would you tell me more about that?” or “What does that mean to you?” or "Can you give me an example of what you mean?"